I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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