Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
