Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
