DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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