do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
