shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
