you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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