woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
