haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
