i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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