someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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