I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
