There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
