Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
