I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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