First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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