I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
