My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is Oprah even human
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
