I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
