im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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