she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
