You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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