I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
