I hate your face
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
