my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
