So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
