Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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