Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
