I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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