I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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