She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
