im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
