hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
