i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
