My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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