my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Drunk is not a location!
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