I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
