walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
