i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
