Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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