Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize