my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize