East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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