I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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