this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
