your parents love me but you hate me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
