There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
