Yo dont text me then not text me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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