You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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