What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
