:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
