If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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