Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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