seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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