that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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