Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize