And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
