You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
