so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
