I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
