Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
