he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize