he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
