when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
