If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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