To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
