weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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