You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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