Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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